At the age of 14 I took my first drink of alcohol and had to get my stomach pumped. This put me off for a while, but at 16 I drank again and although I didn't like the taste, it gave me something - a form of escape from all that I had gone through as a small child. Due to serious incidents that happened in my life and which I had no control over, I started to rely heavily on alcohol to numb the pain. It enabled me to 'function' for a while as I looked after my alcoholic mother and dependent brothers and sisters, and it detached me from reality.

By 19 I was addicted, and the realisation that I could no longer guarantee my safety was quite frightening. I was filled with self-loathing and hatred and my self-esteem was rock bottom. I tried to stop drinking and could manage it for a while, but I could NEVER stay stopped! The first drink set the compulsion for more, which set off the mental obsession. No matter what, I was compelled to drink. If I was not drinking, I was thinking about it! Any arrangements I had made or planned were stopped as I chased and craved alcohol. I always thought it would be 'different' next time, and could not understand that if drink made me feel this bad -
why did I keep taking it? It had put in me hell... I felt like I was in quicksand and had
no will to live. I was drinking to live!